After this day I will be 31 years old. I will be old and last generation. I will be at that age when teenage kids will say that I have a generation gap with them. At that age, when catching up with them is bit tiring. At that age when being called aunty is not surprising. Right now the clock is ticking towards the last lap of completing my 31 years. And somehow it just seems very eager to go fast to me. Or is the anxiety of getting old. I don't know.
My earliest memory starts from around the age of 6-7. And when I was seven and half years old, I never thought about being 30. Because at that time I was so proud to be seven and half, and wishing very hard that years pass by fast so that I can reach the coveted 10 years of my age. After which I will be almost-adult. I was so deliriously happy being over 7 years that, when I was travelling with my aunt to my native and the T.T asked about my ticket. My aunt was explaining that I was under 7 years old so she didnt buy ticket for me. I was so proud of my age that right there I corrected my aunt that I was seven and half years old. Well you can imagine the smile she gave to the stern look of the T.T and the fine she paid. But no worries there because I was blessed with good family. Good aunts and uncles, lovely cousins and wonderful supporters, who still tease me about that incident.
When I was in my teens, the decade of 30's seemed like eons away. I was happy in my tom boyish style of looking at life. Which was extended only till the plans of next week. Or in the best case (or worst case) till the next test or exams I had to write. Well I was quite different than the other "girls" in my class, so boys taking notice of me was unnoticed rather than that I normally became their gal pal all along.
When I reached my legal age of 18, I didn't have time to think about my age or the age of 30's. Because at that time I was just busy trying to hold on the all the pieces of my life which were falling apart.
I reached my lovely 20's and I had battled crushes, experienced love, fought for friends and with friends. And had this amazing feeling of being an adult, even if not totally matured enough to take the responsibility. I had started experiencing world with rainbow filled eyes. Making plans about future with such dreams in heart that the idea of reaching 30's was not even visible to me.
20's slowly slipped away in studies, friends and immature adult decisions. And one day I wake to find that Am already 30 years old. The age when I can't scold my friends for calling me "aunty". The age for which I never planned. I was a wife and a mother but still I had no idea who was me.
And today on the eve of my 31st birthday, I was feeling old, run down and last generation. I needed the assurance, re-assurance and insurance that I am still worth. And I turned towards my husband and asked him "I turn 31 years old tomorrow and I have no achievements. I didn't do anything in life. I feel worthless" and he hugged me and said "let me list out your achievements. You are a good daughter, you supported your family in worst times and best. You are a wonderful wife, such good wife that I have to never feel bad or sad for coming home. You are a wonderful mother, such a lovely mother that I am sure when we are old, Adi will look after me only because am your husband. And you are an amazing friend, No wonder your friends feel comfortable enough to discuss their deepest feelings with you. And most of all "You" came this far in "your life". There was a time in your life when people around you, didn't think you will even finish your PUC, they thought you will definitely run away with somebody or something like that. But you proved them wrong, you stood up and fought. You are an achiever, and please don't insult your life just because you didn't do something in career wise. Because in my eyes you are an achiever."
At this moment, I am challenging the clock to run faster, so that I can complete my amazing 31 years. Because after today I will not be a 31 year old woman. After today I will be a Young 31 year lady.