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Showing posts from August, 2012

Happiness is waiting, Soak no more

She opened her eyes, like awakening from an trance, saw the white ceiling of her room, the brown fan revolving and with it her mind also turned and twirled. She glanced the room around her, her room, every piece of furniture, every article in that room was chosen by her personally, this is her haven. She created it, designed it, lived in it. She glanced at her side table and saw the rows of medicines over there. She didnt choose those. She shut her eyes tightly and tried to control her tears from spilling out. But what about the memories. She cant shut them out, they repeat themselves, as they have repeated in her mind from last 5 days. She remembered the day very well, like a vivid dream. The day which shattered her dreams, the day which shattered her hopes, the day which shattered her future. From childhood she had always been a healthy person, nothing out of ordinary, always active, never a coach potato. She had been a good daughter, good student, a humble person she was told, then…

Smile

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. - Phyllis Diller" What???!!!! what did you just say?? She shouted at him, and he very calmly replied with a smile "That I Love You and want to spend the rest of my life with you". "You love me, you love me", She was furious at his casual declaration as if it is not a big issue. "Listen Gaurav, enough of this, I know this is a prank you are playing, I mean, you seriously cant believe that I will fall for this love trap, I mean how much do you even know me to declare your love, huh" He looked into her eyes and replied "Aditi, I know your smile, I have no use of facts" and touched her cheek with his thumb and left her wondering. Her mind started to work with full force now, breaking down all this words, searching for a trap, a joke, a laugh. When she couldnt find any she wondered, "He knows my smile.... what did he even mean by that??" She shaked her head trying to clear her mind &q…

Grief

Pic Courtesy: Google images Oh.. my head hurts.. no not only my head, everything hurts. I dont want to open my eyes, its peaceful like this. Who is that talking ? is it mom ??? "What do you mean by you dont know doctor, she has been like this from yesterday, whats wrong with her??" "I am sorry Mrs.Sharma, but physically there is nothing wrong with her, as i said she is under mental shock" Shock??? what are they talking about ?? and about whom??? Oh my head hurts, no, my everything hurts, i dont want to hear anymore, too much of noise. I will just close my eyes now.  But I never opened them, did I?? Its so dark in here, so cold, if only i could find a warm corner, i will just sleep for some time. But where am I?? Didnt i just hear mom talking with somebody?? Oh i dont care, i want to sleep now thats all. There, now i feel good, i will just sleep ........ "Anu, Anu, sweetie please get up, ... Anu" Oh who is that calling me now?? Didnt I just sleep now, why is ever…

What happened now ???

She is waiting, the frustration of the wait is written all over her face... she is checking the mobile every few minutes, checking to see if it is getting signal, if the battery is charged. At one point she just puts the mobile down and tells it that, enough is enough I wont check you anymore, if he wants to call, he will call.. am not wasting any more of my time. A wave of thoughts enter her mind, how happy they were, how much in love, he used to call every few hours, just to say I Love You... What happened now.... They were fighting from last three days, she was giving him cold treatment from yesterday night.. he acts as if he is least bothered... She stamps her foot and goes to the kitchen to start cooking for dinner..... and the thought process starts again.. he didnt call from morning, her mind thinks up the worst possible scenario.. is he alright.. did he get hurt... maybe he was in an accident .. OH MY GOD! She runs to the mobile, picks it up to call his office.. then stops her…

Nostalgic.. am I ????

Ok so who isn't.. i mean nostalgic.. every once in a while we pay a respectful (Sometimes tearful) visit to our past and relive the moments... The other day my brother had come home and between talks we started talking about our childhood. The most interesting topic was how our weekend used to be... We never used to get up on time (before time?? never in the history) .. always got up after being continuously nagged by mom.. but come Sunday (As you can remember.. those times weekend means half day of saturday and sunday) we used to up by 7.00 A.M. (yeah hard to believe) reason??? .... well reason was that at 7.15 A.M  Rangoli used to start and as we used to get only one channel (The Omnipresent - Doordarshan) we could actually see songs only through Chitrahaar (Wednesdays), Chitramanjari (Kannada songs on Fridays) and Rangoli..... So we used to get up early to watch Rangoli and our sunday used to start... at 8 A.M (after rangoli ends) we used to start our morning chores and routine…

The perfect day

He was very excited to sleep all night. He was scared of waking up late, but now as the morning is nearing his excitement is replaced by anxiety, what if something goes wrong, it has to be perfect day. Then all of the sudden a strong feeling is arising in his heart, an urge to see her now, right now. But he hesitates, he pulls back, but his heart pushes him, he thinks what if somebody sees, they say it is bad luck, but then the desire to see her is much stronger than anything now. He gets up and walks up to her room. He opens the door without making sound; he didn’t want to disturb her. He just wanted to see her once, amazed to see her sleeping like a baby, she still can take his breath away, his heart sighs thinking oh how beautiful she is, how radiant, so pure, her skin is glowing like moonlight. He remembers he has never noticed how angelic she looks while sleeping, her silky hair is drawing him to feel them, and that smile at the end of her lips, he smiles, he wonders, maybe she i…

Intezaar

Kanha tere intezaar me, radha hui me bhawli,

 Ansu behne se rukthe nehin, Phir dil me he aas jagi,

  Sath ka wada kabhi kiya nehin tha tumne,

  par intezaar ke haq tho mang liya tha hamne,

  Janam janam ka rishtha he hamara,

  Intezaar is janam ka, Milan agle janam hi sahi...

Thu ut ke gayi ........

Waqt bada beman he, zaalim zaamane ki ye gulam he
Kaise kaate ye pal batha, tere ilawa jab har koi anjaan he,
Chumban ki wo gharmahat abhi hoton pe he,
Haathon ki wo narmi, muje bahut sathathi he,
Iss baar na jao sanam, akelapan seh na paounga me,
Akhiri baar ut ke gayi thi, aur aahat abhi bhi meri dhadkano me he..

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Abhi tu ut ke gayi he, phir bhi teri yaad satha rahi he,
Yahi paas baithi thi tu, teri mehak yun tadapaa rahi he,
Chumban ki wo gharmahat abhi hoton pe he,
Haathon ki wo narmi, muje yaad dila rahi he,
Dil ki ye pyaas ab ruh tak pahunchgayi he,
Kaise bhujao ise, ye tho muje andar se jhala rahi he.....

Small details

I saw a beautiful couple today. It was raining heavily and a group of college students were running to find shelter in the rain. It was a small group of 2 guys and 3 girls. Out of them I could easily make the couple in the group. He was protective about her more than anybody, trying to get her to safety. Rain became a reason to hold each other’s hand, to feel the warmth and if I was her I wouldn’t have felt the cold rain at all, because all my attention would be focused on that warm hand holding me. They came and stood in a bus shelter, as water was splashing from all corners, all of them just huddled up in a corner together, but the best spot was taken by the couple. He was leaning on the side of the shelter and she was so very lightly leaning on him, enough close to feel his warm breath on her, and to draw the warmth from his body. Believe me none of this seemed out of place or wrong, only because it was raining. One who knows romance could see that, between people who were worrying …

Dog eat Dog world

Have you seen that stray dog in front of a bakery or chat stand. You can notice that dog for whole day from the time the shop is open till it closes, the dog never stops wagging its tail and asking for food. I used to wonder why, I mean doesn’t the food given by so many eaters or even the owner sometimes, fill its stomach? Finally the only logical solution I found is, as it only gets food in tit bits, it gets digested so fast, it is always in the state of half-filled stomach. After thinking this the first thought in my mind was, isn’t this the same thing we do with life. We are wagging out tails in front of life, for the tit bits it offers us and we are never satisfied, we always want more, there is no end to the wanting. Likewise think if life gives us all the luxury everything it can give, we are hungry for love, care, attention, time, like domesticated dogs waiting by the door waiting for their masters to come home and play with them. If life for some lucky persons they get everythi…

New journey

“Hatheli bar yaadon ko sametke, Yunhi chale jaa rahe he hum,
Dhoondli dhoondli si rahe he, aur manzil na hone ki nehin he gham,
Aapne aap se waqt guzaara nehin kabhi, Apne aap ko jaanne kimauka liya he abhi,
Bas kadam se kadam badaake chal rahe kahin,
Dhoondli dhoondli si rahe he, aur manzil ki ab koi fhikhar nehin....."


And right now this is the truth of my life,
At age 29, I have started a new journey of knowing myself, I have the company of few selected memories and a promise of long journey to go by.
We strive so much to know and understand others, our near and dear ones, we memorize their habits, their likes, we react to and expect from their behavior. We think nobody can understand them better than us, but what about ourselves?
This question awakened me one morning, then I started asking questions, how much do I know myself, I know all the likes of my loved one but what about my likes, do I like this or that? Do I prefer to be like this or that? And I found out that, these were …