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Confessions- jealousy

I have checked my phone 100,000 times now. Not a peep from you. I wonder how busy you must be to not even check your phone. Last seen on whatsapp is 3 hours ago. I have never seen you not checking your phone every 10 minutes. 3 hours..... What are you talking so much with her that you are occupied for 3 hours. Uff  Dee..... calm down dear heart I told myself. Don't beat so fast. Now matter how much you trouble the brain this gut wrenching anxiety won't go away. But still 3 hours... No.. It's 3 hours 10 minutes now... I bet she came in your favourite coloured dress. And no it doesn't matter that even she loves the same colour.....  3 hours 22 minutes Ohh maybe she has a new boyfriend and she is telling you about him. After all you are close friends.. With whom she will share if not you. You are a good friend. But I hope not too "good" a friend. No no.. Am sure you are just hanging out. 3 hours 30 minutes Then why is it bothering me so much.
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I have often heard, "our relationship is solid".. "Its so tight that it is impossible to break it" .. always made me wonder, "Really! solid? unbreakable???". And when I saw people being disappointed or hurt because something changed in the relationship, it made me question it. I know when we say solid, we relate it to strength and dependability of the relationship. Which makes us feel secure, safe. That this is one thing we can always count on.  I accepted the premise and walked in the same road, but always wondered. You will ask why!.. because we human beings are dynamic, not static.. not stationary. Every moment of our life adds to the vast pool of experience which surely but subtly changes our state of mind, thinking and opinions. Oh there are some exceptions ofcourse, who never deviate from their beliefs, routines and opinions. But I think even they stay strong in their beliefs  or routines because every new knowledge is processed and discard

Confessions 13 - Selfish

Did you ever imagine what happens when someone you love dies. When you realize that the warmth of their body will seep away before you held them one last time, the light in their eyes fade away before you saw them smiling for the last time, the beat of their heart will stop before you feel its vibration beneath your hand for that last time. You knew it would happen someday, I knew it would happen someday .. But I never thought it will happen to us on that day, at that moment. Time being time was cruel enough to not let me even get a good bye before you left, but time being time was also kind enough to not let you suffer in pain. It took me days to finally utter a word, months to finally breathe without pain, infinite time to spend a moment without a tear. All my energy was spent in convincing the kind offers of companionship that was not needed. After all am an independent person with a strong determined soul. I should be able to shoulder my own pain. Isn't it??!! Or

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Confessions 12 - contentment

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