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Crossroads

"Aaj mousam bada bemaan hi.. bada bemaan he aaj mousam.." Mohammed Rafi was singing melodiously in background when Sampreetha decided that she just can't do it anymore. She can't keep thinking about this and not reach a decision. The last few months of her life had been the worst, most intolerable time of her life.
She let out a sigh as she ran her hand through the hair of her young son sleeping on her lap, sleeping peacefully oblivious to the storm raging in his mother's heart. How would he know and how can he even imagine to understand the dilemma she was in as he never had to face the decision taken well before his birth.
It had been more than 6 years to the fact that his father Sandeep had left her after he came to know that she was pregnant. Sampreetha carefully slid out of the bed and tucked her son in before turning off the light and walking out of the room.
She settled down on her favourite armchair with the blackest coffee possible and asked the same qu…
Recent posts

IMHO - Blue mug epiphany

I have often heard, "our relationship is solid".. "Its so tight that it is impossible to break it" .. always made me wonder, "Really! solid? unbreakable???". And when I saw people being disappointed or hurt because something changed in the relationship, it made me question it. I know when we say solid, we relate it to strength and dependability of the relationship. Which makes us feel secure, safe. That this is one thing we can always count on. 
I accepted the premise and walked in the same road, but always wondered. You will ask why!.. because we human beings are dynamic, not static.. not stationary. Every moment of our life adds to the vast pool of experience which surely but subtly changes our state of mind, thinking and opinions. Oh there are some exceptions ofcourse, who never deviate from their beliefs, routines and opinions. But I think even they stay strong in their beliefs  or routines because every new knowledge is processed and discarded in favo…

Confessions 13 - Selfish

Did you ever imagine what happens when someone you love dies. When you realize that the warmth of their body will seep away before you held them one last time, the light in their eyes fade away before you saw them smiling for the last time, the beat of their heart will stop before you feel its vibration beneath your hand for that last time.
You knew it would happen someday, I knew it would happen someday .. But I never thought it will happen to us on that day, at that moment. Time being time was cruel enough to not let me even get a good bye before you left, but time being time was also kind enough to not let you suffer in pain.
It took me days to finally utter a word, months to finally breathe without pain, infinite time to spend a moment without a tear. All my energy was spent in convincing the kind offers of companionship that was not needed. After all am an independent person with a strong determined soul. I should be able to shoulder my own pain. Isn't it??!! Or so I thought…

A humble plea to bullet riders - From a drooling onlooker

Till today I haven't encountered a person who is not impressed by Bullet. The "dug dug dug" sound like beat of a thunderous drums creates an amazing illusion of an impressive rider on the amazing beast.  Before I let you on to my plea let me tell you a bit about the beast you ride with pride. Way back in 1955 The Indian Government looked for a suitable motorcycle for its police and army for patrolling the country's border. The Royal Enfield Bullet was chosen as the most suitable bike for the job. 
You are riding a bike used in many military operations and even in WW II. So please hear a plea of a humble drooling onlooker before you ride on in your pride.
Every bullet rider might not be a bike enthusiast but every biker is a bullet enthusiast. And also every onlooker who gives you a look while you drive with that patented "potato potato" sound blasting through your bike. 
By a unconscious consensus there are certain etiquette you have to follow if you are riding…

Confessions 12 - contentment

His
This, this moment is the best time of my life. If there was a god above and he decided that today at this moment I will take my last breath. I am happy to do that.
I know you don’t know this, maybe you won’t even notice it. And maybe future has more beautiful moments for me. But this moment, right now is the best till now.
You sitting there on the ledge, full moon to your back, the roar of the waters in the background, me standing here with a plate full of love and feeding you dinner.
You are telling a story, I may never remember that in future. Because I will remember all the other details of the night. Your swinging legs which are bumping into me, your sparkling eyes looking at me, the naughty smile on your lips when you see me smile, the fragrance of you enveloping me in your magic and most of all the childlike quality with which you are eating from my hands and the amazing feel in my heart when am feeding you with my hands.
I don’t know why you asked me for this. I don’t want to…

Confessions - 11 - seasonal friend

Journal entry - 372
I wonder what power he holds on me. I could never stop his arrival or his departure. He breaks my heart everytime and I swear I will never let him ... Everytime.
He comes when he wants, when he feels lonely. I asked him "Did you miss me?" and he replies "Once someone is yours, you will always  miss them"... I smiled within myself, only to notice later he never answered my question.
He has an alluring charm that I can't escape and to make matters worse when he is here I don't want to escape. And if you think for a moment that he pampers me and spoils me crazy while he is visiting. You can't be more wrong while I rectify you that he never opens his heart enough to show it to me. 
Oh he cares, I know he does, atleast I feel he does. Is that the only thread am holding onto?? 
I wonder how will he respond if he reads this. But then again I know how he will respond, he would say "everything is an illusion, the emotions, the love, the care …

Confessions - 10 doors

She stood watching the door he had just closed walking out. For a moment nothing worked, her brain, her body, her mind, her conscience.. even her breath had stopped. Then she took a long breath and everything started at a time. The explosions in her mind, the devastation in heart, the thundering thoughts in her brain. All she could do was stare at the closed door. 
Pain pierced through her soul like a hot knife through a wound. She struggled to breath, all she wanted to do was howl at the fate which made her stand here and feel this horrible feeling. But she couldn't produce a sound, even call his name. To call him back to her. 
She collapsed on the floor as her knees buckled. Held her midriff in a embrace so tight. The coldness of the situation was settling there and spreading everywhere. And finally a tear broke the barriers and rolled down. 
The gush of tears which flowed down her cheeks were unnoticed, as her heart cried out. The edge of the pain dulled to a throbbing ache in her…