Skip to main content

Confessions of a confused soul - 5

"Nobody ever thought to explain how I will feel when I fall in love. Or maybe it is different for everybody!!! I wonder... 

I have loved people, my family, my friends, one of my ex-girlfriend, that first crush in school. But never felt this gut wrenching feeling of possession towards anybody. 

When did this happen?? How did this happen?? I never planned to fall in love with her, I doubt she ever tried to make me fall in love either. 

I wonder...Did I fall in love the first time I saw her under that tree in the busy street!!

Or was it when she smiled at me in that all-knowing-woman smile

Maybe it was the first time when she hugged me, felt like all soft and tenderness was wrapped up and was gifted to me. 

Or was it the first time she took care when I was ill, so much care and worry creased her face that I wanted to get well faster just so I can smooth out the lines on her forehead.

And then I wonder again... I cant discount the first kiss, when those soft beautiful lips touched mine.. I cant forget the electricity which passed through me. 

But it doesn't matter how and when I fell in love, what matters is "If" I have really fallen in love.

Does it feel like this all the time?? 

The possessiveness when am with her, to hold her and may stare down every guy nearby to claim my stake on her. 

The urge to give her every possible happiness even if it kills me. Feels like I can never get enough of her. Protect her to the point of smothering her. While I am so content just by being with her, listening to her, smelling her, touching her hand. And when i miss her I feel like someone's torn my guts out from my body. 

And when I think of her leaving me I feel a big empty hole just eating me from inside out. 

Huh... I wonder.. Am I irrevocably in love.??

Maybe I am :) 





Comments

  1. Beautifully explained or rather constructed that feel brick by brick.

    Love is a four letter word, but it fills the life or empties the life..no doubt the love always starts with a light confusion or slight realisation.

    Nivi you are back again with one more fairy tale..

    Nice nice...and i would like to say again..nivi's speical on the horizon again..super

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Silence

Silence was something she associated with very well. She was a calm, patient person from the moment she opened her eyes. Through family, schools and college, silence was something everybody expected of her. The major part of her small world was silent and she loved it. Married to a soft and calm guy, gave her leave to be silent further in her life. She loved her routine silent life and didn’t want to change a thing in it. Silence had a capacity to soothe her, it had a depth to allure her. Until one day.... Sadvi was feeling nauseous and tired that day, her health was her strong point. She was a very very healthy person and she worked well to keep it like that. But that day was different. She didn’t want to dwell on that so she took a leave and took rest. Felt happy that Sourav wanted to stay back to look after her, but she shooed him away and took rest. Her condition didn’t improve the next day or the next day or the next day. On the fourth day she finally deci...

Am fine...........

  " Hi, friends, welcome to my story. Name is Sangeetha. This is the 143rd day of my hospitalization, am paralyzed from waist down and as far as the whispers go, I don't have much time left to finish paralyzing my whole ..........   Sangeetha saw that her mother who was holding handycam was shedding tears silently...   "Ma, what happened...???.... Ma, mamma, oh come on, don't cry......... Look at me mom... look am smiling, don't worry you will be fine.... "   and she smiled at her mom encouraging her to do the same. When her mother gave the most insincere smile of the world, she said in a soothing voice.    "Okay, close the handycam and come sit by me. We will finish recording after sometime. Now you tell me the story of how you met dad again."   Sujatha smiled back to her only daughter and she stopped recording, when she closed the screen the camera was blinking 7:43 a.m.     Exactly One year later................

One summer afternoon...

This post has been published by me as a part of Blog-a-Ton 55 ; the fifty-fifth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. In association with Rashmi Kumar , the author of Hooked, Lined and Single and Jyoti Arora , the author of Lemon Girl . . Saritha looked up towards the clear sky, there was not a speck of cloud just sparkling blue. She mumbled to herself "looks like it might rain" . Then she shouted looking towards the balcony "Ramya, bring down the clothes. Looks like it might rain" Ramya who was cleaning the balcony peeked up towards the sky to see clear beautiful blue, she frowned and shouted back "Its ok ma, it is still very sunny. Let the clothes dry" It was a typical saturday afternoon in Ramnath Rao's house. Saritha was in the kitchen clearing up the dishes, Ramya was cleaning some part of the house, Chintu was already down for the afternoon nap, Ramesh was working on his computer and Ra...