Skip to main content

Confessions of a confused soul - 6 - spring cleaning

There you are walking down the corridor. As if the world is under your feet. Am I included in the world ?... It doesn't matter now, is it?

We met, we bonded and then. And then we stagnated. We didn't move on, we didn't move forward, we didn't even back away or change course. We just stayed, decaying whatever we had between us. I have felt it turning putrid and rotten.

You who occupied a big corner office in my heart, just left it there to ruin away into haunted place. But then I thought it is my space, my heart, its my responsibility too to maintain it. Alas it's easier said than done. I stood outside it days and days, just willing myself to rebuild it. 

Finally it was you who gave me the push. And what a gift on my birthday you gave. While the whole world was wishing me with all the love, you couldn't find common courtesy to wish a fellow companion. May be I never occupied even a closet in your heart.

There was always a thread bonding me to you, tugging me towards you. I sat and hoped and expected you tugging at me. But you sniped it, now there is nothing between us. Just air.

But am not blaming you for not wishing, Am thanking you. Because if you had wished, hope would have sprouted, right in the middle of that rotten place. It would have dug its roots so deep and held on so tight. Now I don't have to worry about pulling out the roots of a beautiful relationship. 

As a matter of fact, I think I actually whistled while cleaning my heart, shed a few remaining tears, danced along the clean fresh heart and smiled a lot.

And there you are walking down towards me. As if the world is under your feet. I am not included in that world. Neither would I ever want to be. Thank you.


  1. Norm in trekking is..carry least possible items so the baggage will be lighter...but human mindset says...oh i need this, that and we carry and wr suffer...

    But later on the trekking trail we realise we need to drop either the idea or the excess baggage...

    We endup discarding the excess baggage which is of no use to us..or it wont fit our path..

    Likewise some relationship ends abruptly for no reason.. Better put the memories in the pit and burry for the hopes of seed should not germinate from it.

    Beautiful explained in short sentences...words created a magic here...keep reading it new doors of understanding opens up...

    Nivi special after a long time...super nivi

    1. I couldnt have commented better myself :D

  2. The thoughts, the worries, the aspirations and the disappointments...all..I stress all...vanish with one cool breez that softens the hardness in the heart..and thats life. Fantastic...very short but OMG very powerful story..Good one Nivi. After so many years..(?) I am seeing the blogs now...Good to see the Pals...of yester years.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

IMHO - Blue mug epiphany

I have often heard, "our relationship is solid".. "Its so tight that it is impossible to break it" .. always made me wonder, "Really! solid? unbreakable???". And when I saw people being disappointed or hurt because something changed in the relationship, it made me question it. I know when we say solid, we relate it to strength and dependability of the relationship. Which makes us feel secure, safe. That this is one thing we can always count on. 
I accepted the premise and walked in the same road, but always wondered. You will ask why!.. because we human beings are dynamic, not static.. not stationary. Every moment of our life adds to the vast pool of experience which surely but subtly changes our state of mind, thinking and opinions. Oh there are some exceptions ofcourse, who never deviate from their beliefs, routines and opinions. But I think even they stay strong in their beliefs  or routines because every new knowledge is processed and discarded in favo…


"Aaj mousam bada bemaan hi.. bada bemaan he aaj mousam.." Mohammed Rafi was singing melodiously in background when Sampreetha decided that she just can't do it anymore. She can't keep thinking about this and not reach a decision. The last few months of her life had been the worst, most intolerable time of her life.
She let out a sigh as she ran her hand through the hair of her young son sleeping on her lap, sleeping peacefully oblivious to the storm raging in his mother's heart. How would he know and how can he even imagine to understand the dilemma she was in as he never had to face the decision taken well before his birth.
It had been more than 6 years to the fact that his father Sandeep had left her after he came to know that she was pregnant. Sampreetha carefully slid out of the bed and tucked her son in before turning off the light and walking out of the room.
She settled down on her favourite armchair with the blackest coffee possible and asked the same qu…

My brother

“Rohan, Rohit......... come and drink your milk?” Sushila was screaming at the top of her voice, when she heard the sounds of 2 pair of feet running down the stairs. Now if she thought at this moment that her 15 year old and 13 year old are running to drink the "delicious" milk which she prepared for them, then she couldn’t have been more wrong. But as she knew them inside out she knew they were not running down to drink milk. Which meant only one thing, that their dad Sushant was home. And today they were so eager to meet their daddy dear because he had called in the noon and said he had a surprise for them.
Sushant got down from the car  and looked up to see his sons standing in the doorway with eager eyes. He was smiling to them when he approached, but with every step he took towards them, their smile seemed to fade away and eyes were searching him. Even though he looked like he didn’t get them the surprise he mentioned, but he did. He gave the keys to his elder son Rohan…