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Confessions of a confused soul - 17 - I Am a chronic overthinker

 


As I stand there, thinking about my next move, my heart is thumping, my fingers are twitching, my eyes are glazed, and my head is buzzing. 


I feel like am in a game of chess, but am not playing it, I am just a pawn in the mercy of the hands that are playing me. 

Damn! Why is this so hard?

Uff......... I try to breathe slowly to calm myself down. It's ok dear heart, you have thought this through.

I have thought this through

Really have thought this through. 

Being the President of the Overthinking Club means that I have thought through every possible way it can be thought about. I have dissected this like a frog in a lab - emotionally and irrationally

I have prepared myself for every kind of rejection. 

You might be confused - I will handle it with explaining myself clearly, 

Surprised - I will be gentle to break it calmly

Run away from me - There is a solid possibility that you can run away, that's why am cornering you in the classroom, where you have less options to consider 

You might declare me insane - Well, you know overthinking can be called a form of insanity.... I might just accept it, just for the sake of it

You might talk about me with your friends - Well, you might already do even without this situation, so that thing is already part of my nightmares

Laugh - Oh my, if you laugh I might just die of embarrassment, but I will take it will poise and dignity. 

Am prepared.... Elegance and poise, that's my middle name. Or names.... hmmm something to overthink later. 

And yet... I didn't think of this

As I stand there, my heart is thumping, my fingers are twitching and I see your smile in response to my confession about my feelings 

You smiled.

You actually smiled

No mental file. No rehearsed response. 

In all those scenarios of overthinking, I didn't once think about how will I react if you accept me. 

 

Comments

  1. Anonymous28 May 2025 at 16:47

    Stumped by the one response that you did not expect, isn't it ?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Srikanth Manjunath17 June 2025 at 07:04

    From many years...13th year running to be precise ..always I admired and felt jealous as well..how your keyboard supports amazing vocabulary... The words which we never thought it lands..but lands just like auto rickshaw flies in and agrees to take us to our place...with out bargain..superb cb..the way it was constructed amazing...

    Am still laughing early in the morning...President of over thinking club...waah..beautiful..

    Your writing is a kinda university of how decode the emotions in a normal way with out melodrama... Superb cb

    ReplyDelete

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