Random madness

  As I stand there, thinking about my next move, my heart is thumping, my fingers are twitching, my eyes are glazed, and my head is buzzing.  I feel like am in a game of chess, but am not playing it, I am just a pawn in the mercy of the hands that are playing me.  Damn! Why is this so hard? Uff......... I try to breathe slowly to calm myself down. It's ok dear heart, you have thought this through. I have thought this through Really have thought this through.  Being the President of the Overthinking Club means that I have thought through every possible way it can be thought about. I have dissected this like a frog in a lab - emotionally and irrationally I have prepared myself for every kind of rejection.  You might be confused - I will handle it with explaining myself clearly,  Surprised - I will be gentle to break it calmly Run away from me - There is a solid possibility that you can run away, that's why am cornering you in the classroom, where you have les...

The waiting lounge in the airport was not that cheery as he expected, he bought a coffee and sat down on a cold chair in the depressing lounge. He checked his watch to note that he still had a long time, just then he heard her voice. "Excuse me, Can I join you?" He looked around himself to make sure she is talking to him and gestured her to sit down. He noted that she had no other place to sit, other than the chair vacant in his table. She placed her trolley neatly by her side and slide in the chair opposite to him, placed  her coffee down and smiled at him while she said "Thank you, I was hoping you were alone" He was bewildered, imagining her flirting with him at the first contact, he squinted his eyes skeptically while he asked "What?" She looked up to him, saw his expression and chuckled while she said "I mean, so that I can sit here. I didn't mean it in any other way" But before she said her explanation he was s...

If I could write a letter to you, maybe a poem or a story I would have poured my heart out, eloquently listing out your charm, your smile and your love.  But alas I am not a writer like you nor could I become a partner like you. You had such a beautiful way to express yourself and you never missed an opportunity to show your love.  How is that after all this time, after all the fights, all the heartbreaks, questions, accusations and tears I can only remember your smile, your charm, your daily stories, your laugh. ... How is that after all this time, I still miss your presence, your essence in my life.  I remember those silent coffee mornings, busy breakfasts and chaotic evenings. Those crazy dances around the coffee table, the unending giggles at midnight. I miss you... I miss being with you, I miss loving you, I miss those snarky comebacks, I miss those judgemental fashion inputs, I miss ...... Didn't I tell you am not a writer.  I wonder do you remember...

  Hey Everyone, A huge hello from N here…. I have big news for all of you. It might be bit shocking but I trust in all of your abilities that you will find in your heart to accept me as I am Well…. To say in simple words   I Got Adopted recently……… Yes, a handsome, athletic, cutest one adopted me today. When he saw me with those beautiful eyes, (sigh)….. How can I describe the feeling when he walked along with me step by step, so agile, so charming, so caring to not collide with me. And how he looked out for me just walking few steps ahead to watch my path. I fell in love instantly, now when I go for a walk I look for him, my eyes automatically search for his presence and my heart wont find solace until I have laid my eyes on him. When he reaches out to get head scratches from me, I feel so blessed…….. And his puppy dog eyes, oh am sure this dog started the whole feel around the magic behind the puppy dog eyes…. I can’t believe I got adopted by a dog…. Am i...

  Hi, N here, yes again ….. Its raining today, so no walking. I know I know you think I must be celebrating. That small joy of pretending “ Oh! Its raining ” while actually being happy to take an off day. But surprisingly its quite the opposite. Am rather bummed that its raining. The time I take for walking is purely my own personal space. I don’t think about anything else other than enjoying those minutes with myself. But more than me, I think Ramesh uncle will be more sad today. I won’t be surprised if he would still go for walking atleast for few minutes in this drizzle. Oh! Don’t look so confused. I will introduce you to Ramesh uncle. Most days when I walk I encounter Ramesh Uncle, we have never talked or communicated with each other in any way. Then how do I know his name? You ask!!! Well, who said I know him personally or know his real name, I have named him Ramesh Uncle because I kinda think that name suits him so well. He is an average height, average late fi...

  Hi, Am back…. You did not honestly think that because I ended my rant with “I Conclude” that I really – completely – absolutely concluded, Did you? Well good that you didn’t? (we both know you did) Let me start again, Hi… N here again. Was listening to an audio book today, as today was bit lazy day, I was listening to a nice, cute, soft short story. And I was struck by how many couple walkers are there today. Or am dealing with confirmation bias, as I was listening about a couple. Anyhoo… I love to see couple walkers, they seem like they have their life put together. And you can definitely make out the different levels of marriage or relationships they are in by the way they walk. Oh! before I continue, let me be honest – “Me” that is - yours truly N and my loved one C are couple walkers. But you will never know that because we walk in opposite directions. Its true, when we started walking we were like any other couple, you know walking together, pointing out cut...

Ok, let me start with this question.  Have you ever gone on a walk?   For pleasure, exercise, family outing etc etc….. for anything for that matter.   I always thought I hated walking. Like who will purposefully get up in the morning, put on the walking clothes (if you are of that category of having different set of attire for walking) and shoes, go to the nearest lake or park with the walkway and walk …. Like just walk!!!  But sorry to burst your bubble my dear, I came to know that I love walking. And please don’t make a mistake that I love walking because it is so good for my health. No!... absolutely not, please don’t categorize me like that. I like walking because it is entertaining.   Yes, it is. And you cant change my mind about it. I am going to die on that hill of belief.   We walkers (Yes, I can term myself as a “walker” even though am a novice in it) have our own world, our own set of rules – unsaid of course, our own people an...

I have checked my phone 100,000 times now. Not a peep from you. I wonder how busy you must be to not even check your phone. Last seen on whatsapp is 3 hours ago. I have never seen you not checking your phone every 10 minutes. 3 hours..... What are you talking so much with her that you are occupied for 3 hours. Uff  Dee..... calm down dear heart I told myself. Don't beat so fast. Now matter how much you trouble the brain this gut wrenching anxiety won't go away. But still 3 hours... No.. It's 3 hours 10 minutes now... I bet she came in your favourite coloured dress. And no it doesn't matter that even she loves the same colour.....  3 hours 22 minutes Ohh maybe she has a new boyfriend and she is telling you about him. After all you are close friends.. With whom she will share if not you. You are a good friend. But I hope not too "good" a friend. No no.. Am sure you are just hanging out. 3 hours 30 minutes Then why is it bothering me so much....

"Alright baby, just a few more steps and we are at our usual spot.. ok!!?".. He heard the trusty woof back with a waging tail as expected. "Well there is comfort in routine expected reactions isn't it!" he thought with a smug smile on his face. Abhinav stopped by his usual sitting spot. Huffing and puffing after a long run. Baby - his trusted canine companion had already hopped on his place on the bench looking over the park with an ominous look on his face. Like he is the lord watching over his kingdom.  Abhi laughed within himself for his thoughts and sat down opening his water bottle for the much needed drink. It was at that moment he saw her, the moment he is going to remember for the rest of his life. She was running towards him earphones in place, looked like she was running to the rhythm of the song she was listening.  Because the way she ran made no sense.  She would slow down and pick up her pace, take side steps then jump and again repeat t...

"Aaj mousam bada bemaan hi.. bada bemaan he aaj mousam.." Mohammed Rafi was singing melodiously in background when Sampreetha decided that she just can't do it anymore. She can't keep thinking about this and not reach a decision. The last few months of her life had been the worst, most intolerable time of her life. She let out a sigh as she ran her hand through the hair of her young son sleeping on her lap, sleeping peacefully oblivious to the storm raging in his mother's heart. How would he know and how can he even imagine to understand the dilemma she was in as he never had to face the decision taken well before his birth. It had been more than 6 years to the fact that his father Sandeep had left her after he came to know that she was pregnant. Sampreetha carefully slid out of the bed and tucked her son in before turning off the light and walking out of the room. She settled down on her favourite armchair with the blackest coffee possible and as...

I have often heard, "our relationship is solid".. "Its so tight that it is impossible to break it" .. always made me wonder, "Really! solid? unbreakable???". And when I saw people being disappointed or hurt because something changed in the relationship, it made me question it. I know when we say solid, we relate it to strength and dependability of the relationship. Which makes us feel secure, safe. That this is one thing we can always count on.  I accepted the premise and walked in the same road, but always wondered. You will ask why!.. because we human beings are dynamic, not static.. not stationary. Every moment of our life adds to the vast pool of experience which surely but subtly changes our state of mind, thinking and opinions. Oh there are some exceptions ofcourse, who never deviate from their beliefs, routines and opinions. But I think even they stay strong in their beliefs  or routines because every new knowledge is processed and discard...

Did you ever imagine what happens when someone you love dies. When you realize that the warmth of their body will seep away before you held them one last time, the light in their eyes fade away before you saw them smiling for the last time, the beat of their heart will stop before you feel its vibration beneath your hand for that last time. You knew it would happen someday, I knew it would happen someday .. But I never thought it will happen to us on that day, at that moment. Time being time was cruel enough to not let me even get a good bye before you left, but time being time was also kind enough to not let you suffer in pain. It took me days to finally utter a word, months to finally breathe without pain, infinite time to spend a moment without a tear. All my energy was spent in convincing the kind offers of companionship that was not needed. After all am an independent person with a strong determined soul. I should be able to shoulder my own pain. Isn't it??!! Or ...

Till today I haven't encountered a person who is not impressed by Bullet. The "dug dug dug" sound like beat of a thunderous drums creates an amazing illusion of an impressive rider on the amazing beast.    Before I let you on to my plea let me tell you a bit about the beast you ride with pride. Way back in 1955 The Indian Government looked for a suitable motorcycle for its police and army for patrolling the country's border. The Royal Enfield Bullet was chosen as the most suitable bike for the job.  You are riding a bike used in many military operations and even in WW II. So please hear a plea of a humble drooling onlooker before you ride on in your pride. Every bullet rider might not be a bike enthusiast but every biker is a bullet enthusiast. And also every onlooker who gives you a look while you drive with that patented "potato potato" sound blasting through your bike.  By a unconscious consensus there are certain etiquette you have...

His This, this moment is the best time of my life. If there was a god above and he decided that today at this moment I will take my last breath. I am happy to do that. I know you don’t know this, maybe you won’t even notice it. And maybe future has more beautiful moments for me. But this moment, right now is the best till now. You sitting there on the ledge, full moon to your back, the roar of the waters in the background, me standing here with a plate full of love and feeding you dinner. You are telling a story, I may never remember that in future. Because I will remember all the other details of the night. Your swinging legs which are bumping into me, your sparkling eyes looking at me, the naughty smile on your lips when you see me smile, the fragrance of you enveloping me in your magic and most of all the childlike quality with which you are eating from my hands and the amazing feel in my heart when am feeding you with my hands. I don’t know why you asked m...